She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
