if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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