what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
