You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
