We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
