i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
