he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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