There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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