never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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