my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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