the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
