That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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