we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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