She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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