Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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