he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
