I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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