I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
