What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
