please come you make the beer taste better
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
