Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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