She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
