she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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