I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
