She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
