Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize