my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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