i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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