Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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