She's JV to your varsity
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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