Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
