and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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