I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
