Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
from now on my penis is your penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize