You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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