Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
