1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
