I can text with my tongue
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
