I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
