When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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