sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
