i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
