eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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