it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
