I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
