I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
