he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
