I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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