It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
