Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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