I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize