I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
