No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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