While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize