So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize