I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
