FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
