I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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