I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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