Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
