i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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