I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
