Do you still have your period?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
