kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
