You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
