ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
