I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
