i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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