I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
