do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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