this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
