So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
