I'm going to jail i love you
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
