You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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