i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
