I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
