apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
