WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
