Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
