I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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