Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
