Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
