Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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